


Assorted Drabbles and Prompts

by orphan_account



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: M/M, Stand Alones, Tumblr Prompts, one shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-05 16:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15867714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A collection of the prompts I get tumblr!!





	1. IT'S THE CLOTHES

**Author's Note:**

> Reddie + that one Willow/Xander scene from BTVS

Richie Tozier fiddled aggressively with the tie around his neck. The “big dance” was fast approaching and his friends were all very insistent that they all attend. “It’s senior year!” Ben had claimed in all his romantically blind glory. “We should at least try to have  _some_ good memories.” So, Richie had agreed and now was standing in Eddie Kaspbrak’s bedroom, trying to figure out how to put on a mother fucking tie.

“Ha!” He cheered as he managed to get it through, yanking it into a proper place. He grinned at his reflection in the mirror. Now Richie knew he that he cleaned up nicely, his mother always told him so, but he rarely ever bothered. He messed his hair a little bit more to make the curls wild.

“Rich?” Eddie’s voice came, and Richie turned around. Eddie blinked as Richie came into view in the slick black suit and his hair wild around his face. Eddie suddenly had the image of Richie on the night of the dancing, standing under the coloured lights, possibly sweating, and he had to look away. “Does it- does it look okay?”

Eddie had opted for the vest look, and his dress pants seemed significantly tighter than Richie’s. Richie cocked his brow and smirked. “Why my  _dearest_ Eds,” Richie fawned with an exaggerated hand press to his chest. “You look  _absolutely dashing,_ just  _ravishing,_ my darling!”

“Beep, beep, Richie,” Eddie rolled his eyes. “Can’t you be serious for two seconds? Not all of us can just throw on a suit and look fucking smoking like you can.”

Richie frowned slightly as he felt his cheeks grow warmer. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. You really do look great. And for the record, you are  _definitely_ the type of hot that could put on a suit and look fucking smoking.”

Eddie smiled softly for a moment before the regularly seen anxiety settled back into his features. “Holy shit, I don’t know if I can dance in this!”

“Are you serious, Eddie Spaghetti?” Richie snickered. “I bet you’re king of the moves!”

“No, fuck off, Richie!” Eddie wheezed. “What if I can’t dance in this? What the fuck am I supposed to do if I can’t dance?”

“Stop,” Richie hushed him, reaching out to hands towards Eddie. “Come here, we’ll see if those pants are made for walking.” Eddie stared at Richie for a long moment, eyes gazing over his face in prolonged- almost awkward- silence, before nodding quickly. He stepped towards Richie and let Richie take Eddie’s hands in his. He guides them, one hand being brought up to his shoulder and the other tangling with Richie’s. Richie’s hand dropped down to cup Eddie’s hip, pulling him closer, and Eddie felt the tips of his ears go warm. He glanced down at their feet as Richie started to guide him.

“You know, looking the ground probably isn’t how dancing is supposed to go,” Richie said in a sing song voice. Eddie looked up and found Richie’s face closer than he’d ever remembered it being before. He could count the freckles the littered his nose. He could see the flecks of gold in the brown eyes behind his glasses. He could see the slight up turn in Richie’s smile, could see the way his lips-

_oh no._

Eddie jerked his eyes back to the Richie’s, blushing furiously only to find Richie’s eyes had strayed downwards themselves. Eddie’s breath hitched in his chest. “Richie…” He breathed out. Richie leaned in closer and Eddie closed the gap. He fisted his hand in Richie’s suit jacket and felt Richie’s grip on his hip bruise into the skin.

As quickly as it had started, it was over. Eddie jumped away as though electrocuted and Richie’s mouth dropped open.

“Oh my god!”

“Holy shit!”

The silence danced through the room like Eddie and Richie just been. The two boys stared at each other, cheeks flushed.

“That didn’t happen,” Eddie said.

“No,” Richie agreed.

“Because I would never…” Eddie said slowly.

“And I would never!” Richie shot back.

“Because I respect you….” Eddie started shaking his head, rubbing his arm. Richie tilted his head to side, looking Eddie up and down. Richie took a step towards Eddie and Eddie gravitated towards him like a magnet. They stepped into each other’s space, noses grazing. Eddie felt his eyes slipping closed.

“Ah!” He cried, jumping away.

“It’s the clothes!” Richie cried suddenly, tugging at the collar of Eddie’s suit vest. “None of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for the clothes.”

“We need to get out of these clothes!” Eddie cried. Richie’s eyes widened, looking Eddie up and down slowly. Eddie’s face burned. “I didn’t mean- oh my god-“

“No, no, I didn’t mean, either, I-“ Richie stammered.

“Clothes!” Eddie spun and ran into the bathroom to change.


	2. when i'm going to bed, think of you again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "if you're still accepting writing prompts anything that's reddie + drunk!eddie is good tier shit."

Eddie wasn’t drunk, he would tell anybody who asked. And anybody who hadn’t asked. Anybody who even looked at him, really. It was Richie he was currently he trying to convince of his sobriety, simply trying to get some more to drink.

“Ah, ah, ah, Eddie Confetti,” Richie said, words only slightly slurred as he held the bottle from his reach. “You’re drunk as shit, I think you’ve had enough.”

“I am NOT drunk!” Eddie whined pathetically, leaning forward to rest against Richie’s chest. Richie chuckled and let his fingers run through Eddie’s slightly sweaty curls. Drunk Eddie was always an experienced that Richie marvelled in, an Eddie with slightly less fears and significantly more confident.

It also seemed like drunk Eddie could read Richie’s thoughts even better than sober Eddie could, as he pulled back and stared Richie dead in the eye and it felt like very not-so-pure thought Richie Tozier had ever had about Eddie Kaspbrak was suddenly on full display.

“I’m not drunk,” Eddie said slowly, obviously to avoid any sort of verbal slurring. “Just let me have some, Dickard.”

Stan snorted somewhere in the background at Eddie’s nickname, and Richie flipped him off over his shoulder.

“I don’t know, Eds,” Richie waggled his eyebrow, suddenly sure he could detour Eddie from wanting any more of his booze. “I’ve been drinking straight out of this bottle. Wouldn’t want those germs, would you?”

Eddie got a look of utter determination over his expression and before Richie could fully process what was happening, Eddie had pushed forward and licked length wise over Richie’s cheek.

“Juh-juh Jesus!” Bill gasped. And like hell Richie wasn’t going to let Eddie have more to drink after that. Richie certainly needed more.

After several moments of passing the bottle back and forth, Richie felt like he’d had more than enough and left the bottle for Eddie. He hadn’t been settled on the couch for very long before Eddie was dropping down into his lap.

Richie looked up at Eddie, and gave the boy an odd smile. Eddie’s returning smile seemed a little bit smug- no doubt from the feeling of finally being able to look down at Richie- before it turned a little bit softer. He reached out, grasping Richie’s cheeks and pulling him in.

The kiss only lasted a short period of time, probably mere seconds, but Richie was pretty sure the world had stopped. His heart launched into his throat and his hands twitched towards Eddie’s hips, but he never made contact.

Eddie pulled away, and blinked down at him. Richie had to clear his throat twice before he was able to speak. “What- what was that for?”

Eddie shrugged up one shoulder and blushed a little embarrassedly. “I just… Was tired of dancing around each other. I guess.”

_We’re still dancing around each other,_  Richie thought a little drunkeningly. Eddie stroked his cheek softly and glanced around the room.

“Nobody was even looking at us,” Eddie said sadly, turning back to Richie with a pout that Richie just wanted to kiss right off. “What’s the point in being gay and in love if nobody sees you being gay and in love?”

_In love?_ Richie shook his head. Eddie was completely wasted, there was no way he actually meant any of that. He had just openly admitted that he’d kissed Richie because he thought everybody had been watching. 

Richie waited an acceptable amount of time so that it wouldn’t appear as though he was running away from Eddie (he wasn’t, he defintely wasn’t!) before shoving Eddie towards Beverly and making a lame excuse to head to his room for bed. He knew when he got up in the morning that his friends would all be laying somewhere thrown across his living room. 

Richie had been laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling for less than twenty minutes before his bedroom door opened and Eddie came shuffling in. He crawled up onto Richie’s bed and stared at him with wide owlish eyes. 

“I’m going to bed now,” Eddie said slowly. Richie smiled at him.

“Okay, Eds.” 


	3. you'll never know if you don't go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous: 1: give me a chance & 24: you need to leave

Eddie clamped his mouth shut the second he said the words and squeezed his eyes tight. Eddie could feel in every part of his soul that he’d crossed over with those words, those stupid fucking words. Words he never could mean, would never mean. Words that simply just were not true. 

_“My mom was right about you.”_

When Eddie opened finally opened his eyes, Richie wasn’t standing in front of him anymore. Oh no, Eddie thought to himself as he ran towards their bedroom. Richie was tossing his over night bag onto the bed as Eddie burst in.

“No, wait, Richie, I didn’t mean to-” Eddie started but Richie turned to him and Eddie couldn’t find the words in his throat. 

“You never mean to, Eddie,” Richie said in a voice that was too cold, too detached. “You’re always sorry, it’s always just the anger. But just- just tell me this, okay- how long am I supposed to just let you treat me like shit?”

“Hey, no, I don’t-” Eddie reached for Richie’s hands but he quickly tugged away. 

“Eddie, you kind of do!” Richie tugged at the ends of his curls and let out a harsh breath. “Stan and I were talking-” 

Eddie felt like his blood ran cold. “Oh, well if  _Stanley_ says it, then it must be fucking true.”

 Richie sighed softly. “Eddie, that tone isn’t necessary, okay?” 

“No,” Eddie launched himself onto the bed, arms crossed as he stared up at his boyfriend. “Tell me more about how you and  _Stan the Man_ sit around and talk about what a piece of shit abusive boyfriend I am.” 

“It’s not like that,” Richie shot back sharply. “I’d never say that kind of shit about you, last I checked you’re the one in this relationship who shoots out insults in hopes of hurting people’s feelings!” 

Eddie glowered at him, knowing he didn’t have a hope of defending himself. Richie had always been so good when Eddie finally snapped, just letting everything that was said brush off his shoulders. He’d never really considered anything after their arguments were over but he knew that if Richie had ever said those things to him, Eddie would have stewed on them for ages.

Richie seemed to take Eddie’s silence as permission to continue. “I am not going to apologize for not being good enough for your mother because you know damn well that nobody ever be.”

“I do, I know that,” Eddie nodded frantically. “And I don’t think my mom was right, I… I know she wasn’t, okay? I didn’t  _mean it._ You know I didn’t.” 

“Yeah, I do know that,” Richie said weakly. “But I am sorry I’m not good enough for you.”

Eddie’s mouth dropped. “No. No, Richie, that’s not true at all, okay? It’s not.”

“No, Eddie, it is true.” Richie started grabbing clothes from the dresser. “I’m not good enough for you. All I ever heard from you anymore is you giving me shit for people I was with before we were together, or things I don’t do well enough, or you bitching about all the stupid shit I do. And I’m sorry, Eddie, I’m sorry I’m just some big dumb slut to these days.”

“Hey, no,” Eddie threw himself over top of Richie’s bag as he tried to stuff the clothes into it. “If you’re talking about bullshit I say when we’re fighting, then it’s not what I think at all. I’m going to try harder to control my temper, I swear to God.”

“It’s not just when we fight,” Richie said so quietly then Eddie almost didn’t hear him. “You make me feel like that all the time. It’s just… you’re always the perfect one, pretty and smart and successful. I just… I’m not your fucking giant, sloppery lap dog, Eddie.”

“I can’t believe we’re having this argument, I don’t even remember why we were fighting,” Eddie wiped at his eyes as his vision started to blur. “Can we just stop? The new episode of -”

“No, we need to… I need to,” Richie swallowed hard. “I need to go. I can’t- I can’t talk to you about how I feel right now, and I can’t fucking stay here and keep acting like every single thing that comes out your mouth doesn’t break my fucking heart.” 

“How…” Eddie cleared his throat awkwardly. “How long have you felt like this, Rich?”

“I’ve always felt like this,” Richie tugged on his fingers until the knuckles cracked. “You’ve always made it clear that I’m the reacher and you’re the settler, and that’s fine. I knew it, too, but Stan pointed out to me that you… you’re kind of killing me, Eddie.”

“I don’t  _mean to,”_ Eddie said quietly, face pressing into Richie’s bag. “I don’t think you’re a reacher, Richie. You’re the best fucking thing that’s ever happened in my life.  **Give me a chance**  to be better. I can be try harder.” 

Richie was quiet for so long that Eddie actually looked up. The expression on Richie’s face was so heartbreaking that Eddie had to bite back a sob. He’d never seen Richie look like that before, and certainly not while looking at him.

“Eddie,” Richie said slowly. “You shouldn’t have to  _try_ to be nice to me.” 

Eddie flattered and couldn’t bring himself to find a single argument for his side. Richie had him in a bind that he couldn’t drag himself out of. Because the worst time to try and fight Richie was when Richie was right. 

“I love you,” Eddie finally whispered. Richie came forward and pressed a kiss to Eddie’s forehead before ushering him off of the overnight bag. 

“I love you, too, baby,” Richie said tearfully. 

“ **You need to leave?** ” Eddie asked softly, watching as Richie threw his clothes sloppily into the bag. 

“Yeah,” Richie answered with a voice crack. “I need space for a little bit, I think we both might. I… We can talk again tomorrow or in a few days or… whenever I’m ready, yeah?”

Eddie nodded and pressed his face into knees. He vaguely felt Richie pressing a kiss to the top of his head but Eddie lifted his head up, Richie and his bag were gone. 


	4. how did i ever live without you for so long?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 45: do you trust me? & 46: can i kiss you right now?

Somehow the drop hadn’t seemed quite so high in childhood, Richie marveled to himself as he stared down off the edge of Quarry. It had been three years since Richie had tossed what little worldly possessions he had into the back of his shitty pick-up truck, bid farewell to his parents and Mike, and driven off to UCLA with no intent of ever looking back. 

Richie had driven to the Quarry the second he’d gotten into Derry, not even bothering to drop his stuff off at home. He couldn’t explain even to himself why he’d suddenly gotten overwhelmed by the urge to come home. He just knew he’d woken up yesterday morning and called his parents to say he was coming home for spring break. 

“Well, are you just going to stare down and are you going to jump?” A familiar voice- oh, all too familiar, it brought on the best kind of ache in Richie’s chest- called from behind him. Richie jumped and nearly ended up falling off the cliff. 

Eddie Kaspbrak slapped a hand over his mouth and cackled as he watched Richie attempt to regain his footing. The Eddie standing by him now was far from the Eddie which Richie had known in his youth. He’d traded out the tiny colourful shorts with polo t-shirts for beige khaki pants and soft looking sweaters. His hair had grown out to curl at the ends, his skin had tanned and there wasn’t a single fannypack in sight. He’d shot up, too, not as much as Richie for sure, but Eddie seemed to own his body with a confidence that Richie had never had in himself.

He was, in short, more beautiful than ever and it made Richie’s chest tight with something he hadn’t been able to describe at eleven years old but maybe he knew what it was now. 

“Well, Eddie  _fucking_ Kaspbrak, how the hell are you?” Richie cried, ignoring his emotion like he’d always done best. “It’s been what? Six years?”

“Seven.” Eddie corrected, grinning from ear to ear. Richie jumped away from the cliffs edge and tossed his arms around Eddie. As Eddie fell forward to hold him close, Richie’s mind chased down the road of how little seven years can change a heart. He hadn’t thought of it in a good four years, but he suddenly vividly remembered feeling like he was dying when Eddie told him that his mother was moving him away. It had, truthfully, been a long time coming. Sonia Kaspbrak had been trying to pull Eddie away since That Summer and she’d finally done it. Richie’s entire chest had felt like it was going to cave in when Eddie told them- them, at the point, being just Mike, Stan and Richie himself. 

When Richie had hugged Eddie goodbye seven years earlier, they’d been thirteen and Eddie’s hair had smelled like blueberries and he’d been so much shorter than Richie- who’d started hitting his growth spurts the summer before high school, making him an unhappy giant for a long time before anybody caught up- he’d had to stand up on his tip-toes just to rest his chin on Richie’s shoulder in a quick, thirty second embrace.

Now, at nearly twenty-one years old, Eddie’s hair smelled like that mornings rain and Richie could comfortably rest his chin on top of Eddie’s curls. And this hug lingered much longer than thirty seconds. It lingered long enough that Richie was forced to pander if it was possible to really have missed somebody so much, when you hadn’t thought of them in at least five years?

Richie didn’t pander on that very long, because, of course, he already knew the answer. 

“So?” Eddie finally pulled back, and if he was staring up at Richie’s with beautiful, all too familiar, teary eyes then neither of them chose to speak of it just then. “You gonna jump or what?” 

“Jump?” Richie laughed breathlessly. “No. Come on, Eds, I’m not twelve years old anymore.”

A small look of confusion flashed over Eddie’s face at the nickname, as though he was trying to refind his footing before he grinned mischievously. “ **Do you trust me?”**

And oh, hell, Richie hadn’t seen him in close to a decade but God help him, he did. He had no true reason to, he didn’t even have a real reason to connect this  _man_ with his childhood friend but this twinge of  _something_ was tugging at Richie’s heartstrings and he couldn’t deny that Richie’s superstitious ass had never believed in coincidences. So, instead of trying to pull apart the millions of contradicting thoughts in his head, Richie just cleared his throat and pushed out a “Yes.” 

Eddie’s face brightened and he grabbed hold of Richie’s hand and broke into a stuntering run towards the cliff. Richie momentarily panicked, because it certainly seemed like Eddie Kaspbrak was trying to kill him, but then Eddie grinned at him over his shoulder as he jumped and Richie forgot to be nervous. As he broke the surface, Richie was marveling at how seven years earlier, it would’ve been himself taking an terrified Eddie over the cliffs edge. 

Richie surfaced and Eddie was already laughing. The other man swam forward and pushed Richie’s dripping curls from his face. “Your hair has always been ridiculous, you know that, right?” 

“What are you doing here?” Richie spit out the question that must have been in the back of his mind this whole time, continuously pushed away by other thoughts of Eddie, but still sitting there. Eddie face contoured awkwardly, lips twitching to the side slightly, and that was a face Richie knew well. It was Eddie’s thinking of a lie because Eddie Kaspbrak was a lot of thing but a good liar had never been one of them. “And don’t lie. I know you want to, but i’ll know you are.” Eddie clenched his jaw for a moment, looking ready to argue with him, before he let out a breath and rolled his eyes. “My mom had a stroke last week. She died.”

“Oh, man, Eddie, I-” Richie bit down on his tongue, a certain bad habit he’d picked up in high school as a way to slow his mouth down so his brain could catch up. Did he apologize? He didn’t know anything about Eddie’s life for the last decade, but he could remember many things about Sonia Kaspbrak and her ways. The way she’d messed up her son. Acting as though he was so sick and delicate to point where everybody- Eddie himself- believed it. He remembered he’d never seen Eddie so  _hurt_ as the day he found out his medication was all fake, just a means of controlling him.

Looking at Eddie now, he didn’t look like any sort of sick little boy, and didn’t seem to be carrying around any medications or fake inhalers. It was entirely possible that Eddie and Mrs Kaspbrak had patched up their relationship and managed to move on from what she’d done to him. On the other  hand, Eddie certainly didn’t seem particularly sad, either. 

“Don’t apologize,” Eddie jumped in before Richie could even start to make a coherent thought out of his racing thoughts. “I haven’t talked to my mother in almost three years. I got into NYU and left her to deal with her own issues. She was… pretty fucking terrible.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Richie said, forcing back what would easily be a WAY too inappropriate Your Mom joke. Eddie raised his brow as though he could tell. 

“Her funeral started about… two hours ago,” Eddie said. “I was on my way there, I really was, but somehow, I just started driving here instead. So, I guess I don’t know what I’m doing here, in truth. Avoiding my past? Embracing it? Both? I don’t know.” 

“I don’t know why I’m here, either,” Richie told him, momentarily glancing up at the too clear spring sky. He hadn’t felt the chill of the water and he certainly hadn’t felt him reaching out and pressing his hands onto Eddie’s hips. Eddie had swam closer to him, and they were practically nose to nose now. “I just woke up yesterday and I knew… that I needed to come home.”

Home. Richie hadn’t thought of Derry as home in a long, long time. Not since the end of junior year when Stan had left and Richie had fully faced the brutality of this town alone. The words coming from his mouth surprised him but seemed to surprise Eddie more.

“I would’ve had to be making my wrong turn to get to Derry from New York instead of my mom’s funeral around then,” Eddie was whispering now but he and Richie were close enough that it was as though he was speaking at full volume anyway. “Richie… I don’t believe in like… I don’t know… Is it stupid to think…”

“I had the biggest crush on you, Eddie Spaghetti.” Eddie might have been the one who jumped from the cliff that afternoon, but Richie was still the one who took the big plunge. “Like, forever. Before I know I even liked boys, I knew I liked you.” 

Eddie’s breathing was heavy against his face and his eyelashes fluttered against his cheek. “Can I kiss you right now?” 

“You fucking better, Edward Spaghed-” 

Richie had never enjoyed being shut up more. 


	5. 7 will always be an odd number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 38: isnt this amazing

Prom was such a stupid thing, Richie marveled to himself. He got to sit around in a uncomfortable as fuck suit, watching Bev and Ben make eyes at each other while Ben was too nervous to ask her to dance or watch Bill make his way through the girls in their year (stutter or no stutter, Bill was quite the catch and people had finally started to take notice), or hang around with Stan and Eddie- which would normally be his absolute favourite thing to do, if Eddie wasn’t spending his time glaring at Bill and Stan didn’t keep talking about Mike while pretending to absolutely not be talking about Mike.

So yeah, Richie bailed on the prom not even an hour in. He plopped himself down on one of the picnic tables in the quad where he could still hear the top 40s bullshit they were playing in the gym, and lit up one of the smokes he’d borrowed from Beverly earlier. He wasn’t even sure why he was so annoyed by his friends and this whole prom situation.

He’d spent a very long period of his life tolerating his love sick friends. He’d accepted his position of number seven in the seven. He had, not entirely happily, embraced the knowledge that he was The One when everything gotten divided down to three pairs of two and the singular one left over. Sometimes Richie would think about Before, when the Losers Club was just himself, Bill, Stan and Eddie. Back when things could be divided into a small, even ratio of two duos and it worked no matter how you cut it. When Eddie’s crush on Bill didn’t make Richie want to curl into a ball and he could always count on Stan to make him into a duo if everything fell apart.

Of course, Richie would never let himself dwell on that for too long, because he would never sacrifice his friendships with Beverly, Ben and Mike for anything. Richie didn’t really want those days back. Things were better now, when Richie could ignore the knowledge that he would never be loved like his friends all loved each other. So, Richie left the prom early to smoke and that was how he coped with his life at this point.

“What are you doing out here?” Eddie called, tucking his hands into the pockets of tuxedo pants while walking over to the bench. “I was in the middle of a story and I turned around to find you gone? How fucking rude, Tozier.” Eddie’s tone was light and joking and Richie shot him a grin.

“Sorry, Spaghetti,” Richie blew out a large amount of cigarette smoke which made Eddie cringe, though he didn’t move away. “The air of Polyamorous Six-Some was a little suffocating. I’m just getting some well needed fresh air.”

“What are you talking about?” Eddie laughed, coming to sit on top of the bench beside Richie. He took the smoke from between Richie’s fingers, pressed it into the table to put it out and flicked it off into the night. “Polyamorous Six-Some? What is that?”

“Well…” Richie cracked the joints in his fingers awkwardly. “It’s you guys, isn’t it? You… You know what I mean.”

“No.” Eddie said firmly, eyes narrowing and his lips turning down in a frown. “I definitely do not know what you mean. Where is that head of yours?”

Richie sighed angrily, fingers dragging through his already messed up curls. He’d put in so much effort into them that night, getting his mom to help him use gel to push it from his eyes and flatten it down. He hadn’t been able to explain to even himself why he was caring so much, until he’d gotten to limo Ben had demanded they get. Until Eddie had looked at his hair, laughed, and turned to talk to Bill. Richie had gotten to the prom, gone straight to the bathroom to wet his hair and mess it up. He’d pointedly ignored Stan’s pitying smile and dodged what surely would have been a comforting pat on the shoulder. Richie didn’t need to be comforted, comfort was just an encouragement to keep acting like an idiot.

Richie was tired of being an idiot when it came to Eddie Kaspbrak.

“It’s just…” Richie waved his hand around, as though smacking the air would clear his thoughts and make the words that come out his mouth make sense to anybody that wasn’t him. “Bev and Ben staring into each other’s eyes, all too nervous to make that first move even though we all know once that move happens they’re set for life- or Stan somehow turning every conversation into how Mike couldn’t come like we’re all not supposed to know that they’re dating, or how you-“ Richie cut and his mouth shut down into a tight thin line. He always said more than he wanted to.

“What about me?” Eddie asked, voice thin and almost breathless somehow.

“You… you fucking watching Bill flirt with girls like he’d just told you that most offensive joke about the Holocaust or… dead dogs or something.” Richie shook his head and laughed humourlessly. He wanted nothing more than to lit another smoke, but he knew there was no way Eddie was going to let that fly and God help him- Richie was still wrapped right around that finger no matter how hard he tried.

Eddie let out his own laugh, one that sounded almost bitter. “I don’t care if Bill flirts with girls, I am fully supportive of his hoe lifestyle. All the power to him.” The words, they didn’t sound bitter at all. They sounded amused and genuine, and Richie crinkled his nose in confusion.

“Okay so…”

“I don’t like Bill, Richie,” Eddie said softy. Richie glanced at him from the corner of his eye, and Eddie was looking at him. Staring at him. “I don’t, I never… Well, maybe I did, but when I was like ten and I didn’t even know so it doesn’t count.”

Richie finally turned his body so he was fully facing Eddie. Eddie, with his big eyes and perfectly styled hair, who was looking at Richie like he’d just explained string theory to him and he was waiting for Richie to catch up. “So, if it wasn’t because Bill was giving those girls the sex eyes then why were you trying to murder him with your mind?”

A look of discomfort danced across Eddie’s face. “We got into a fight. Just after we arrived, when you were in the bathroom.” Eddie shrugged.

“Why?” Richie frowned. Eddie and Bill didn’t fight.  _Richie_ and Bill fought, Richie and  _Eddie_  fought, but Eddie and Bill do not fight. “What happened?”

“He, uh,” Eddie scratched the back of his head, looking up at Richie through his lashes and looking bashful. “He was defending you, actually. Seemed to think I unjustifiably hurt your feelings.”

“I’ll be damned,” Richie’s eyebrows shot up and disappeared under this messy fringe. Bill never stood up for Richie to other members of Losers Club. Sometimes Stan did, Beverly definitely did, and Mike was always pretty quick to jump in to defend anybody if words got a little too harsh. Bill sometimes would shut down an argument if things seemed to be escalating to a point where he wanted them to shut up, but Bill wasn’t the type to actually pull Eddie aside and lecture him for ‘hurting Richie’s feelings’. “I didn’t know Bill even knew I had feelings.”

It was a joke, it was. Richie’s relationship with Bill was good, they’d had more than their fair shares of emotional bonding and if it Richie were to guess- he’d probably seen Bill open and vulnerable more than anybody else. But Eddie’s face fell and his hand moved to grab Richie’s. “You don’t actually believe-“

“No, I don’t actually believe that.” Richie rolled his eyes and slipped his hand away from Eddie’s. He didn’t indulge himself in Eddie Kaspbrak anymore. That was something Stan had advised him on, one night sitting on Stan’s bedroom floor while they both pretended that Richie wasn’t crying. “I know that our dad Bill loves me, I just- I’d never expect him to defend my honour to you.”

“Wasn’t the first time,” Eddie said simply and Richie felt his eyes widen. “Bill’s got a soft spot for our Trashmouth a mile wide, you have to know that. And he’s right, too, you know. To put me in my place sometimes. I can be…  a bit of an asshole.”

“No, Eds-“ Richie started but Eddie’s hand was reaching out to brush at Richie’s still slightly damp curls and his voice stuck painfully in his throat.  _Don’t be an idiot, Tozier. Don’t play the game because you know you’ll just loose everything. Be okay with being seven, you were always okay with seventh._

“I’m sorry I laughed at your hair,” Eddie said, so genuinely and so un-Eddie that it threw Richie’s heart through a loop. Eddie didn’t talk to Richie like this, all soft and caring. Talking to Eddie was shots and digs thrown back and forth, dirty jokes and laughing so hard you couldn’t breathe. It was never unloving, but it wasn’t comfort and compassion either. “Bill told me I’d been a dick, and really hurt you. I didn’t believe him, told him to suck some ass but then you came out of the bathroom and your hair was wet and…” Eddie shook his head and glared down at the picnic table as though it was what had offended him. “And  _I’m sorry._ Truly. Sincerely.”

“It’s okay,” Richie said quickly, wanting absolutely nothing more than for this conversation to be over. For snarky and quick of wit Eddie Kaspbrak to come back, get rid of this weird soft Eddie that was making Richie’s heart thrum in his chest.

“No, it’s not. I’m sorry, Richie, I shouldn’t have laughed at your hair and you didn’t need to wash it out,” Eddie shook his head, face crinkled up like he’d tasted something terrible. “It didn’t look bad, Rich, I swear. It looked good, I just laughed because it surprised me. It looked so un-like you, but it still- It looked good. I was just surprised.”

Richie nodded slowly. “It’s okay, Eddie. I was never mad at you.”

“Bill was mad at me,” Eddie’s hand hovered towards Richie’s hand before he dropped it again, with a twitch of his bottom lip. “I’m mad at me, too. And then when I turned and I found that you were gone, I… God, Richie, I don’t even know how to talk right now. I shouldn’t have laughed at your hair.”

“Okay, Eddie,” Richie jumped up, laughed awkwardly. “Can we stop talking about my hair and you laughing at me? You always laugh at me, Eds. It’s kind of our thing? Comic relief friend and all that shit. Let’s just go back to the dance and give Stan somebody to talk about Mike to.”

Richie started to walk away when Eddie’s hand flew out and wrapped around his wrist. Richie turned slowly, teeth digging into his bottom lip. Eddie looked up at him, eyes suddenly so sad that it whacked Richie deep in the gut. “Rich… Bill told me you did that with your hair because you wanted to impress me.” Fuck. Leave it to Bill to read Richie like an open book when Richie himself wasn’t even sure what he’d been doing. “And if that’s true, Richie, then I really shouldn’t have laughed at you.”

“Okay.” Richie nodded, still refusing to meet Eddie’s burning gaze. “I accept your apology that I didn’t really need. Can we let it go now?”

“If you want.” Richie felt Eddie stir and stand up, grabbing Richie’s other hand and tugging Richie to face him. Richie forced himself to look at Eddie. Eddie, who was looking at him with this fragile smile and whose hands were so soft and warm in Richie’s own. Stan’s voice bounced into Richie’s head, vibrating and tearing him apart.  _Maybe you need to take a break from Eddie, dude. Space._ “But you should know,  _if you were_ trying to impress me that you don’t need to.”

“What?” Richie whispered, eyes trailing over Eddie’s face. Looking for any sign of a joke or falseness in Eddie’s tone. Eddie’s smile strengthened and he stepped closer to him, their torsos pressing together in tuxedos that almost matched.

“I don’t like Bill,” Eddie said slowly, taking a pause between each word. His eyes were wide and shining and Richie couldn’t look away from them. “I don’t like Bill and you don’t need to impress me. You don’t need to slick back your hair or do anything for my attention. You’ve got it, Richie, okay? So we can let this go, if that’s still what you want but I needed you to know. I don’t like Bill, don’t ever think that again. And don’t try to impress me, because I’ll just mess it all up and I hate hurting you. I also hate having to apologize to you like some huge sappy dumbass.”

“Well, you’re pretty good at it,” Richie laughed, blinking back tears. Eddie laughed softly himself, shifting his weight as though he wanted to move closer to Richie but the physical touching of their bodies prevented it. “And..  **isn’t this amazing**  but I didn’t even fucking know I was trying to impress you until you laughed at me? It was so important to me that my hair looked good and it didn’t even know why it mattered until I thought you didn’t like it. “

Eddie just stared at Richie, giving him the distinct feeling that Eddie’s time for talking was over and he was giving Richie the floor to speak. And maybe it was the still nighttime air or Eddie in that tux or just the simple vulnerability Eddie had opened himself but Richie found himself spilling everything out. “I didn’t mean to offend you by implying you liked Bill, I just always assumed that you did. Which I guess I shouldn’t have because that’s not fair to you, and it’s probably pretty fucking rude, but you guys are so tight and you look at him like he’s your absolute hero but-“

“I used to.” Eddie interrupted. “I wasn’t offended that you thought I liked Bill, I’m sure you had your reasons. I probably did like Bill at one point, when we were younger, but he wasn’t like… my gay awakening or any of that dumb shit. That was Mike, actually.”

Richie burst out laughing, dropping his head forward so it landed onto Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie’s hands slipped from inside of Richie’s and moved around to hold onto his waist. “Mike, no kidding? Does Stanley know you’re trying to steal his mans?”

Eddie giggled. “I had my gay awakening way before he was Stanley’s ‘mans’. Remember when he picked me up and tossed me into the basket of his bike? Even totally freaking out with my broken fucking arm, I knew that was hot shit.”

“Gay ass.” Richie pulled away from Eddie, scraping his fingers into Eddie’s hair as Eddie’s hands travelled up his back. “So, Bill and Mike? You got some long lingering feelings for Stanley, too? Maybe secretly hoping Ben’s going to slip some erotic poetry into your locker?”

“Beep, beep,” Eddie rolled his eyes, whacking Richie lightly- almost playfully- on the back. “If anybody is secretly holding a flame for Stanley Uris, it’s you, Tozier. I’ve seen the way your eyes light up when he threatens you. Unsurprisingly kinky.”

Richie snorted. He and Eddie giggled in each other’s space for a moment before Eddie’s teasing gaze turned serious once again. “You called us all the Polyamorous Six-Some or something? You didn’t include yourself. I don’t want you to think that stuff. And maybe I’m not your confidant or anything, I know you go to Stan with your emotional blurting’s but I can listen to. And I promise I won’t give you shit.”

Richie leaned down so his nose brushed against Eddie’s just once. “You can be my confidant, Eddie Spaghetti, if you wanted.” He swallowed hard. “I’d let you be  _anything_ you wanted for me.”

Eddie’s eyes widened and he exhaled hard. His hands gripped tightly at the back of Richie’s tux jacket and pressed his body all the closer. Richie rested one hand on the side of Eddie’s neck and let the other come to rest on his shoulder. “Richie, I don’t like Bill.” Eddie said quickly, so quickly Richie barely understood him.

“So you keep telling me,” Richie whispered. Eddie tilted his head back, so their nose remained touching and their breath ghosted each other’s lips. “But what does that mean?”

Eddie swallowed and his eyes fluttered close. “I don’t like Bill and I never really liked Mike, either. I only liked him for a few days, a few panicky days of gay panic, before I realized that there was somebody I actually did like. Somebody who wasn’t nice or sweet like Mike, but would hold onto my face when I’m scared and snap my arm back into place and would call me bullshit nicknames no matter how many times I told him not to….”

Richie squeezed Eddie’s shoulder and he knew Eddie could feel how hard he was breathing. “Some big dumb gay idiot who doesn’t even realized he’s doing things to impress me until they don’t- because he’s had me disgustingly and unfortunately impressed since we were thirteen. Even when he’s some big dumb gay idiot.”

“I think it’s especially then,” Richie said, shooting Eddie half a smirk. “Because you came out here to find the big dumb gay idiot out the second you noticed he wasn’t by your side. Because you were afraid that you’d hurt him. Because…”

“I love that big dumb gay idiot,” Eddie whispered happily. Richie’s smirk broke into a huge, face splitting smile and Eddie tugged him by the hips and sealed their lips together.


	6. and i just cant look, its killing me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 13: don’t leave me

Eddie heard a bike skittering to the ground of his driveway and he looked up to see Richie stumbling towards him. Eddie had been curled up on his porch swing, nose deep in some mystery romance novel that Ben had lent him, and he hadn’t noticed Richie coming down the room. Although, to be fair, Eddie didn’t suppose he should have been expected Richie either. Once upon a time, Eddie had been half expecting to see Richie every time he glanced around or looked up from anywhere. Happy to see his friend- not his best friend, not even his favourite friend, but the friend that made his heart race and his face heat up and his day a little bit better.

But no, Eddie hadn’t seen very much of Richie lately.  Eddie knew that he’d had a rough go of it a few months earlier, being dragged out of the closet by some jerks at the school. His relationship with some popular jock ass that the Losers never thought that Richie would ever look at. That they didn’t know he had ever looked at, let alone grown feelings for and gone on dates with. That had hurt, it had hurt like hell, that Richie had kept that big a secret from them, but what had hurt more was watching Richie pull away. Watching that boy, that relationship, become the only thing Richie had time for anymore.

Eddie didn’t know if he could blame him or not, Richie was in love. And sometimes, late at night Eddie would let himself wonder if that was what truly hurt. Richie being in love, Richie being in love with somebody that wasn’t him. Those thoughts were never allowed in Eddie’s mind during the day, was never something he ever considered if he could help it. It was easy when life was keeping Richie from him at a distance anyhow.

Now Richie was flying up his front steps, and Richie is crying, and Eddie’s heart is beating sharply in his throat. “Rich…” Eddie placed his book beside him as Richie stopped a good four feet from Eddie, breathing heavily and wiping angrily at his damp cheeks. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

Richie shook his head, letting out a shaky breath. His arms came out and wrapped around himself, seemingly trying to squeeze himself into a smaller shape. Eddie shifted over on the swing and patted the space beside him but Richie made no move to sit. “I…” Richie cleared his throat.  “Jake and I…. We broke up.”

Eddie’s eyes blew open wide and he frowned. He jumped up and moved to stand directly in front of Richie, placing a hands on his shoulder. “What happened?” He asked again, firmly this time. No more bullshit tone of voice. A tone of voice that no doubt Richie was used to from him by now. It usually brought out a grin to Richie’s grin face, a small bashful small if he knew he was being significantly over the top.

Richie wasn’t smiling now. He pulled away from Eddie, rubbing angrily at his eyes. “Nothing, it’s stupid. It just…. apparently we weren’t as serious as I- We weren’t serious. It wasn’t serious.”

Eddie shook his head, and bit his bottom lip. How could Richie say that, with how the last couple of months had been? He’d thought Richie and Jake had been the real deal. Eddie said as much, which just prompted Richie to let out a shaky, watery laugh. “Yeah, I thought so, too. I thought… a lot of things, Eddie. But it wasn’t serious.”

The two boys stood silently on the Kaspbrak’s front porch for too long, the silence tense and the furthest thing from comfortable that Eddie could ever imagine being in. It wasn’t like sitting beside Ben, reading or writing, or joining Stanley for bird watching on a warm Sunday morning. This silence was burning, filled to the brim with words that neither of them even knew how to say.

“I really did think that it was serious, you know?” Richie broke the silence suddenly. He wasn’t looking at Eddie, he was staring off to the street. “You know me, Eds, I’m never serious about anything. But I was serious about him. So fucking serious.”

“I know,” Eddie swallowed hard. Oh, how he knew. Nobody who looked at Richie and Jake could have question for a second that Richie had truthfully been devoted to his boyfriend. That Richie Tozier-  _the_ Richie Tozier- had buckled down and found somebody that he looked at with stars in his eyes. A sight that Eddie hadn’t ever thought he’d see, and certainly not something he’d expected to hit him so hard personally, but he couldn’t deny it that Richie had been serious about the relationship. “I’m sorry.”

“I slept with him,” Richie blurted out in the most Richie-like fashion. Eddie startled, having almost forgotten just how blunt his friend really was. Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, trying to blocked out the flashes in his mind of Richie and Jake. “At Stan’s birthday party.”

“At  _Stan’s.._ That was on Friday.” Eddie exhaled hard and gripped the railing so tightly his knuckles turned white. “Was that the… first time?”

“Yup.” Richie said with a pop. “Hey, maybe our relationship wasn’t serious and I’m a total idiot, but at least I got some dick, right?”

“Rich…” Eddie said in the softest, saddest voice he’d ever heard come out of his own mouth and it certainly seemed to trigger something in the air. Richie promptly broke down, a hand coming to cover his own mouth, and he quickly backed up to sit on the porch swing. Eddie followed him immediately, falling into the seat and tugging Richie close to him. He pushed his fingers through Richie’s messy, tangled curls and used his leg to rock the swing underneath them. Richie cried into Eddie’s chest, until Eddie felt the moisture seeping through his shirt and onto the skin. “You’re okay, you’re going to be okay. I promise. He’s a piece of shit, Richie, you deserve so, so much better, okay? Nobody deserves this.”

Richie squeezed Eddie’s hips tightly and Eddie’s breath caught deeply in his throat. He realized then, he couldn’t possibly deny to himself just how much he loved the boy he was holding. This poor, hurt boy that he  _loved._ The boy who was looking for comfort  _in a friend_ and okay- maybe Eddie was panicking a little.

“Eddie.  _Eddie.”_ Richie gripped him tightly and he pulled away, staring at him with tearful, broken eyes. Eddie tilted his head to side and allowed his eyes to gaze all over Richie’s damp, puffy face.

“Yeah?” Eddie breathed out.

“ **Please don’t leave**.”

“Oh, Richie.” Eddie tossed his arms around Richie’s shoulder and dragged him back in. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”

So sure, Eddie was in love with his friend. His sad, heart broken friend and it was a terrible thing. Something no short of a disaster, something that was sure to blow up in his face. Eddie could put that all aside and just  _be there_ for Richie. He was even finding that it wasn’t all that hard.

“Besides, this is my house.”

Richie laughed tearfully into Eddie’s chest.


	7. how could i be expected to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 52: can we cuddle? & 39: i wish we could stay like this forever

Richie waltzed into their dorm room with more confidence then he actually felt. Eddie looked up from his Chemistry textbook and pushed it away, smiling up at him. That stupid smile never failed to make Richie’s heart skip a beat and his stomach tense up for a moment. Richie had been completely and unashamedly crushing on Eddie Kaspbrak since he was nine years old, and he’d never had any qualms about letting anybody know. He’d told Eddie himself when they were fifteen. Eddie had assured him that while he didn’t return those feelings, he still loved Richie and they would always be friends. Richie hadn’t let that upset him for too long, brushing it off pretty easily because he knew it had been the best possible outcome he could have had.

Stan and Beverly had both told Richie that he’d been playing with fire by keeping things the same with Eddie after his confession. They promised that it was good that Eddie wasn’t freaking out, that they were still friends and that should stay friends, of course, but they believed that Richie should distance himself from Eddie. That Richie was just going to get himself hurt if he let himself keep staying friends with Eddie the way they’d always been friends. That even if Richie  _thought_ he knew where they stood, but he was still somewhat getting his hopes up with Eddie.

Stan and Richie had had the biggest fight of their life after Richie had told him he was going to be rooming with Eddie at UCLA. Stan had never yelled at Richie so harshly before, and Richie had never shot back such nasty, horrible things. They’d gone  _weeks_ without speaking to each other, right up until graduation when they’d both burst into tears at the sight of each other in the caps and gowns and been thrown into a hug. Neither of them ever apologized for the things they said, never fully addressed it ever again. It was obvious that Stan didn’t approve of the rooming agreement, but it just became another thing in their group of friends that nobody ever talked about.

“Hey, how was your exam?” Eddie asked, smiling at Richie so softly. Richie rolled his eyes, and dropped down on the bed. He pulled a package of Oreos out of his back pack and offered over towards Eddie. Richie wasn’t getting his hopes up with Eddie, he wasn’t. It had been five years since Eddie told him that he didn’t return his feelings, and Richie had never pushed it again. Sure, he’d never dated anybody else but not because he thought he’d ever be with Eddie, but because it wasn’t fair to get involved with a person when he couldn’t be all in.

“Exam was bullshit.” Richie assured his best friend as Eddie took two cookies from the plastic package. “Tell me again why I have to take Ancient Civilizations? It’s a stupid bird course.”

Eddie laughed. “You’re in a General BA, Richie.” He tussled his fingers through Richie’s knotted up curls. “All your courses are bird courses. You’re paying thousands of dollars a year to walk out of here with a whole lot of nothing.”

“Hey.” Richie laid backwards, his head coming to press up against Eddie’s chest. “I’m only here because my parents insisted that I go get to school. I don’t need a degree to be a comedian. I just need my pure, unkempt talent.”

“Oh, well, it’s too bad you don’t have that.” Eddie snickered, poking Richie in the cheek. Richie squirmed away, whacking at Eddie’s hands. Maybe it was moments like this that Richie had to wondered if Stan and Beverly were right, if maybe Richie  _did_ get his hopes up sometimes. When Eddie touches him so casually and playfully, and Richie’s heart leaps, and he wonders if maybe Eddie could’ve grown to like him back. Then Richie would shake those thoughts as far away as possible, because Richie had never hidden the fact that he liked Eddie and Eddie  _knew_ so if Eddie’s feelings grew then he would have told Richie. So, those small moments when Richie had hopes were just that; small moments.

“You wound me, Kaspbrak. Truly. Here I thought you loved me,” Richie rolled away from Eddie, clutching at his chest in mock pain. Eddie let out a small, disapproving noise before making grabby hands towards Richie. His eyebrows drove up under his curly hair as Eddie gave him a pout.

“Get back over here,” Eddie whined, his bottom lip jutting out in the cutest yet saddest possible way. “Chem is kicking my ass, and you’re a very welcome distraction.  **Can we cuddle**?”

Richie inhaled sharply and he could hear Stan’s voice ringing out in his head.  _Do not do that, Tozier, I swear I will kick your ass. Don’t fuck around, dumbass._ Richie should listen to his mental Stanley, he knows he should. Cuddling with Eddie crosses way over into out-of-bounds in their relationship, where the touchiness becomes coupley. Becomes more than what friends do. Richie shouldn’t let it happen, should know better.

But Richie Tozier had never been one for patience or self control, so after what was probably only a second of being mentally lectured by Stanley, Richie knocked Eddie’s textbook and notebook off the bed and dragged Eddie into his arms. Eddie curled up into him immediately, sighing happily, and nuzzling into Richie’s chest.

“I don’t know why you’re even taking Chem,” Richie said, stroking Eddie slowly on the back. He physically felt Eddie’s muscles relaxing into Richie’s touch and it made his pride (and heart) swell. “You’re in Business, what does Chemistry have to do with Business?”

“We need a certain amount of science credits to graduate,” Eddie mumbled into Richie’s chest. “I figured Chemistry would be easier than Physics or some shit.”

“I know we need science credits, I go to the same school,” Richie said. “Why didn’t you take Psychology or Sociology like everybody else? Social sciences are still sciences.”

“Wait, that’s an option!?!” Eddie shrieked, voice raising at least two octaves. He pulled away from Richie slightly, so that their arms were still wrapped around each other but Eddie could look into Richie’s eyes. Richie waggled his eyebrows.

“Of course, it’s an option?” Richie snickered. “What did you think I was doing?”

Eddie flushed silently. “Honestly? I thought you were putting off taking any sciences courses as long as you could until you fucked yourself over.”

“That’s….” Richie cried, in a forced, overly offended voice before cracking into a grin. “Valid.”

Eddie burst into giggles, buiring his face into the crook of Richie’s neck. Richie’s pulse jumped and he had to mentally remind himself to breathe. It wasn’t as though he and Eddie had never cuddled before, it had been a regular thing at Losers movie nights in high school and Richie firmly believed that they hugged more than anybody else in the Losers Club besides Ben and Beverly but this felt like so very much more. Laying in a bed, completely wrapped up in each other, and Richie couldn’t breathe.

 **“I wish we could stay like this forever.”**  Eddie whispered into Richie’s skin.

Then Stanley was screaming at him inside his head and Beverly was jumping in with her words of advice. Richie let out a rough breath and he found himself pushing Eddie away. Eddie looked up with wide eyes, frowning slightly, and Richie’s cheeks burned. “Eddie, I-“ He sighed. Richie sat up and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Eddie come up behind him, touching Richie lightly on the back. Richie jerked away.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Eddie huffed out a harsh breath. Richie closed his eyes tightly and hunched in on himself. “Richie… Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Richie lied on a reflex. He frowned at himself and he clasped his hands tightly roughly. “Okay, that was a lie.”

“Yeah, obviously.” Eddie sounded so confused but Richie couldn’t turn around to look at him. He knew if he looked at Eddie’s face, then he’d crack and pull Eddie back into him and they cuddle to a movie and Richie would fall even more in loved with somebody he’d never be allowed to have. That would never love him back.

“I hate when Stanley is right,” Richie grumbled. “Okay, Eddie, I can’t do this. You’re my friend, like, my closest friend ever- don’t tell Bev or Stan I said that- but I just…can’t. Okay? I can’t cuddle you and pretend that it’s okay and I’m okay when it’s not and I’m not.”

Richie inhaled deeply and whirled around to look at Eddie. Eddie, who looked even more sad and confused than Richie had expected him to. Eddie had tugged the sleeves of his UCLA sweater down over his hands and was playing with the cuffs, and he was looking at Richie through his eyelashes. Richie’s throat felt like it was closing up and he squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry, I know I’m being selfish, but I can’t anymore, Eds. Can we just- be normal friends?”

“Why?” Eddie said it so softly, so quietly, that Richie wasn’t even positive that he’d heard him properly. His eyes whipped open.

“What do you mean why?” Richie swallowed hard. “Eds. I have been in love with you since I was ten. You can’t play dumb because I told you, five years ago, and you told me that you love me but not like that.” Eddie made an odd noise, like a half aborted whine as Richie’s name, but Richie barrelled on. “That’s fine, okay, I get it and I never let it bother me. You’re one of the most important people in my entire life, with or without my stupid feelings, and I don’t ever want to loose you, okay?”

“Richie-“ Eddie reached out for him again but Richie threw himself to his feet. He was suddenly so overwhelmed with the need to  _get away_ that he almost grabbed his backpack and ran from the room. He held his ground though, knowing that if he booked right now his friendship with Eddie would never recover. They’d go from being too friendly friends to stranger who lived in the same room, and Richie couldn’t handle either of those things.

“No, no, Eds, I-“ Richie rubbed at his nose and mouth. “I  _love_ you. And I cannot lay around in your bed with you, cuddling you and holding you and…” Fuck, Richie was crying, wasn’t it? Of course he was. Why did he think he could go through this without breaking down. “I love you. You don’t love me, you  _told_ me you don’t, but you… You’re not leading me on, I know that, but it doesn’t help me to know things. Knowing things doesn’t help what I feel.”

Richie turned around slowly and found Eddie staring up at him in horror. His face was sickly pale and his lashes looked damp. Eddie swallowed hard, glanced down at the bed once and shook his head. “You said you had feelings for me  _once_ when we were fifteen. How was I supposed to know that they never went away? Its not like you ever said anything again.”

“Fuck, Eddie, what did you want me to do?” Richie shook his head. “Give you monthly updates on my emotions?  _hey, Eds, just wanting to let you know that even though you turned me down I still like you._ Just keep bringing up after you made it clear that you didn’t like me back? I wasn’t going to be that guy, Eddie.”

“Richie.” Eddie said firmly, punching his fist into the bed, sending cookies tumbling to the floor. “I didn’t know, okay? You told me you liked  _five years ago. Five._ You never brought it up again, you never… Was I just to assume that that I’m so amazing that you’d never get over me?”

The two men stared at each other before Richie let out a harsh breath. “It’s not like I ever showed an interest in anybody else. I told you I liked you, you said you didn’t like me and that was the end of it. I know that. I’m not trying to push you, I know you don’t like me like that. And I don’t  _care._ I don’t. I just can’t keep indulging myself in loving you so much.”

Eddie let out a small sob and Richie wanted to rip his own ears out rather than ever heard that sound again. “Five  _years_ , Rich… I was fifteen, I’d barely even accepted that I was gay then and I had the biggest hard on for Alex in our English class. How was I supposed to have any idea that your crush at fifteen years old would last longer than a few months? That didn’t happen to anybody else, we were so  _young_ , and…”

“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Eds,” Richie said softly. “I’m not mad at you. I get it.”

“No, you don’t.” Eddie said harshly, finally pushing up off the bed to stand in front of Richie. “I didn’t like you when were fifteen and you told me how you felt. But that doesn’t mean I never did. Because, fuck, Richie, I think it would have been impossible for me not to fall in love with you. It just didn’t happen when I was fifteen. I was eighteen, and I just had a horrible time at our prom because all I could think about was dancing with you. And you hadn’t expressed feelings for me once in almost three years and I just figured I’d missed my chance.”

Richie stared at Eddie, completely slacked jawed and eyes blown wide. “Holy fuck…” He whispered, stepping close to Eddie. His hands dropped to Eddie’s waist and he tugged the man he loved to press against him. “We’re idiots.”

“I love you. I’m sorry.” Eddie whispered, dragging his hands up to wrap around Richie’s neck. Richie smiled softly, leaning in to let his nose brush against Eddie’s.

“Don’t apologize,” Richie laughed tearfully, pressing his lips harshly to Eddie’s. Eddie gasped and clutched at Richie’s body, pressing them together. They kissed frantically for a several minutes, standing in the middle of their dorm room, until Richie broke away from him with a shuddering sob. Eddie clung to him tightly, and pulled him so they collapsed onto the bed. Richie wrapped his legs around Eddie’s waist and Eddie settled on top of him, face pressed into Richie’s chest. Richie let out another small sob before giggling.


	8. can’t you blame my head and not my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "could you do some angsty 14 & 17 with reddie??"
> 
> 14\. “Can’t you leave me alone?” & 17\. “Please.”

Richie was on his fifth cigarette in a row when Ben found him. Stepping over several discarded bottles and plastic cups to reach his friend. “Are you going to come back inside?” 

Richie coughed awkwardly once and forced his throat to clear. “No.” Ben gave him a sad look and Richie rushed on before he could continue. “I can’t go back in there, I can’t look at Bill right now and I defintely can’t look at Eddie. I know he had to figure out how he feels or what-the-fuck-ever but couldn’t he have done it before we got together? Why did he have to…”

_Why did he have to use me like that?_ The question hung unsaid between the two friends, but they both heard it as if it had been spoken. Eddie and Richie had danced around each other for years before they finally bit down on the bullet and made the jump to boyfriends nearly five months before.

When it had finally happened, the Losers Club and almost everybody around school, had just sort of assumed that it was be-end and end-all for them both. Maybe yeah, it had been a little bit of shock for people outside of the Losers when it had happened. Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak? They couldn’t think of two more mismatched people- until they really saw them interacting as a couple and couldn’t deny the love that ran between the two. It wasn’t a question for anybody; Eddie and Richie loved each other, they would make it work in a long run.

It wasn’t a question for anybody except Eddie, apparently. 

Richie shook out his hand, stinging and rapidly bruising, as he watched Ben struggle to find the words to say to him. Richie couldn’t even find it in him to feel bad for himself. He’d been setting himself up to be hurt, and he’d known from the get-go. “Ah, hey, don’t worry about it, man.” Richie croaked through his dried throat. “Eddie had always had a hard-on for Big Bill, I’d set myself up for failure.” 

“Eddie loves you,” Ben said, firmly, honestly, confidently. Richie raised one brow and cocked Ben half a smirk. “He  _does._ I would bet my entire college savings on it. Eddie loves you, I don’t know what that was in there- closure, I guess. He’d had a crush on Bill since we were little kids, maybe he just needed to-”

“He’s had a crush on Bill since we were little kids,” Richie repeated bitterly. “And we wasn’t sure if he that crush was stronger than whatever we had so he had to test it out.  _In front_ of half the school, I might add. There’s no pretending it didn’t happen, Haystack.”

“Well, that and Bill’s broken nose,” Ben said, smirking a little bit to himself. It had almost been amusing to watch, Eddie and Mike rushing quickly to help Bill back up to his feet. Eddie had fluttered around like a little bird, panicky and little shrill, moving to chase after Richie only to quickly rush back to Bill and apologize for the eighteenth time. Mike had been holding entirely entire weight, and when he’d asked his boyfriend for assistance, Stan had merely staring back at him blankly. 

“Did I really break his nose?” Richie asked lightly, tone only letting out the slightly hint of smugness. 

“Oh, defintely,” Ben confirmed with a chuckle. “That was a wicked under cut, Rich, I didn’t think your noodle arms had it in them.”

“The rage was on me,” Richie replied, holding his hand up which Ben met gladly with a high five. 

“Rich! Oh, fuck, Richie!” Eddie’s voice carried towards him, and Richie’s posture immediately moved back to stiff and stood-off. It was the kind of stance that he pulled with assholes at school and not the kind he ever wanted to pull with one of the other Losers. 

Eddie stumbled up to them, still a little obviously intoxicated, but Ben and Richie both had to marvel at much the last fifteen minutes seemed to have sobered him up. His eyes had lost the drunken glaze to them, but were now red-rimmed and glossy from the tears that Ben had left at the start of. 

“ **Can’t you leave me alone?** ” Richie groaned and Eddie flinched.

“ **Please?** ” He almost begged. 

“Fine. How’s Bill?” Richie said in a chilling voice and Eddie jerked back at the tone. 

Eddie played with the zipper on his fannypack, and his cheeks coloured slightly. “I… He’s fine, he’s… he was bleeding a lot, I think you broke his nose-”

“Good.” Richie said shortly. 

Eddie gave him a sharp look as though about to jump into a lecture when the situation crashed itself back down onto him. “You shouldn’t have hit him, he didn’t… I kissed him, he didn’t even-”

“Well, I wasn’t going to punch you in the face, Eddie.” Richie rolled his eyes, wiping his hands on his already messy jeans. “Though you’d probably deserve it.” Eddie blanched, but Richie continued on as though he didn’t see it. “Did you get the answer you were looking for, Eddie?” 

“I-yeah,” Eddie nodded, tears burning back into his eyes. “I didn’t… I didn’t feel  _anything,_ I don’t think I ever…” He shook his head. “I love  _you,_ Richie. And I… I knew that all along but I never knew what I felt for Bill and I needed to know.”

“That’s something you should have known before you started talking somebody else,” Richie snapped, the anger starting to seep back into his voice. “You don’t just dance into a serious relationship when you aren’t sure how you feel about someone!”

“I knew how I felt about you! I always knew how I felt about you!” Eddie argued, his body trembling as though he was leave in the autumn wind. 

“Obviously you didn’t,” Richie said slowly. “Or those possible feelings you had for Bill wouldn’t have mattered.”

Eddie’s mouth dropped open and Ben resisted the urge to smirk. Eddie was Ben’s friend, too, Ben loved Eddie and knew that in truth Eddie hadn’t meant to cause anybody any pain. That he had just been blinded by his own crisis, not stopping to fully think of the aftermath. 

Just as Eddie looked ready to argue again, Stan’s voice came blaring over to them. “Tozier, let’s go. We’re leaving.” 

Richie took one last look at Eddie’s seemingly smaller than usual form and gave a sad shake of his head. He bounced over to Stan, who clasped his best friend on the shoulder as he guided him over to Stan’s car.

Eddie, to his credit, didn’t break down into Ben’s arms until after the car had driven away. 


	9. oh things that you say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can u do "“none if it was real, but i wish it was." or "“i did it because i had to, not because i ever wanted to." and possibly make it a sequel to the richie/eddie/bill angst? please? that would be swell.

Eddie had been in bed for four days and his mother was absolutely convinced that he was dying. He was more than willing to let her believe it, because as quick as Sonia was to drag Eddie to the hospital at any sign of disobedience or a even a bruise, when she believed him truly ill she’d never take him within a hundred miles of a place that could make him more sick.

It was the more of the fifth day, Eddie more than prepared to suffer the consequences of missing an entire week of school, when the great cause of his suffering tumbled in his window at quarter after 7 in the morning.

“Get up.” Richie said in a shallow voice, sounding about as good as Eddie had been feeling the past few days. 

“No.” Eddie grumbled, pushing himself deeper into the, admittedly starting to get pretty gross, blankets on his bed. Only to said gross blankets yanked off of him and tossed across the room.

“Don’t you  _no_  me, Kaspbrak,” Richie practically hissed at him. The voice was one so different from Eddie had ever ever really heard Richie sound, like all the jokes and joy had been sucked right out him, and it made Eddie’s chest ache all the harder.. “You don’t get to pull this shit. If I have to go school everyday and listen to people’s fucking whispers and put up with their fucking staring, then so do you. This is  _your_ fault, I might add.”

Eddie launched himself up into bed, trying to ignore the gaunt feeling in this stomach when his brain attacked him with the thoughts of how absolutely disgusting he must look right now. Ben had taken him home from the party on Saturday, Eddie had changed into his pajamas then promptly dropped himself into bed and had barely moved since. 

He supposed that Richie didn’t look much better than he did, his usually wild curls seeming matted and flattened down to his head, and his glasses did very little to hide the bags that were littering underneath his eyes. Eddie was sure if his chest got any tighter that’s he’d loose all ability to breathe. 

“I don’t care about them staring and talking,” Eddie said quietly. “They were always staring or talking our whole lives. It’s not a new thing but I couldn’t… I can’t go to school and be alone all day just knowing that I fucked up everything in my life. If I have to do that alone, I’ll do it alone where nobody can see me.”

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking shitting me,” Richie said, sounding more like he was grumbling to himself than speaking to Eddie. “Do you think I came over here to drag your depressed ass out of bed because we all hate you now and you have no friends?” 

“I…” Eddie trailed off, biting at his bottom lip. In that small logically part of his mind that wasn’t riddled with sadness and anxiety, he’d known that the Losers Club weren’t going to cut him off and desert him for kissing Bill, but he hadn’t been able to get the looks on their faces out of his head. “Richie, I’m sorry.”

His voice broke on his last word, and he knew then that was what he’d been avoiding all this time. It wasn’t judging stares and whispers from classmates that Eddie didn’t even really care about, or the thought of the Losers dropping him, but of the acknowledgement that he was going to have to face Richie completely sober and completely heartbroken. 

“Look, Eddie,” Richie waved his hand through the air dismissively. “I have been doing a lot of thinking about this for the last four fucking days and I- I know that  **none of it was real, but I wish it was**  and I’m still so fucking pissed at you because I thought you were  _it_  for me and you I don’t take shit seriously and I was serious about you but I…” Richie shook his head and his eyes fluttered closed. “But  _in love with you_ or not, I still love your stupid ass, and I don’t want to imagine my life without you in it. Asshole.” 

Eddie stared up at Richie for a moment, open mouthed and teary eyed, and his brain rattled inside his head to find something to say to him. He’d meant what he’d said to Richie at the party, he’d never doubted for a second how he’d felt about Richie, but there had always been that hesitation in the back of his mind. His crush on Bill had been an all consuming thing for most of his childhood, it had been something he’d felt defined part of who he was for most of his life. 

Falling in love with Richie- loud, obnoxious and messy Richie Tozier- it had been a complete shock to the system. Not something Eddie had been expected and not really anything he had wanted, but he couldn’t deny it. His feelings for Richie had come in fast and uncontrollable and Eddie couldn’t have done a damn thing to stop them. The worst part had been that Eddie hadn’t  _wanted_ to stop them. The only thing that been scarier than loving Richie, was that Eddie really loved loving him. 

Even months after finally revealing how he’d felt and getting things together with Richie, it was sometimes a shock to the system that he loved the trashmouth. He couldn’t help his mind wandering back to the way he’d always felt about Bill, their fearless leader, Eddie’s believed first love. He would’ve laid down on his own sword for Bill if he’d ever asked him to, and that couldn’t… that couldn’t be nothing. 

But then Eddie had kissed him, and the only thing he’d been able to think about in the moment and since was Richie. 

“ **I did it because I had to, not because I ever wanted to**.” Eddie said quietly, the words falling from his mouth before he had a second to think them through. “It’s so scary being in love with you, Rich, you know? My crush on Bill, it was  _never_ scary and it was always there and I…” 

Richie sat down beside Eddie on the bed with Eddie’s blanket in his hands, officially cutting off Eddie’s trail of thought. He jerked to look at him, and Richie gave him a soft smile. It almost reached his eyes and Eddie’s heart soared in his chest. 

Richie shuffled backwards and tossed the blanket over himself. “I don’t really feel like going to school today, either, you know,” he said softly. “So, if you wanted to we could just… stay in here. Today. And then… start fresh tomorrow, you know? Or whatever.”

Eddie knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. This was Richie’s olive branch and Eddie would accept it gladly. It wasn’t a resolution, it wasn’t even close, and they’d have a lot of ground to cover before they’d ever really be okay. For right now, though, Eddie was okay with the curling up next Richie under his blankets and ignoring all their problems for one day. 


End file.
